03-25-2021, 12:39 PM
All of your coins suck
<!-- SC_OFF --><div class="md"><p>There’s far too much tribalism in crypto. People should have a sense of humor and be able to laugh at themselves and the coins they support. So I thought it’d be fun to start some more light-hearted shit talk about each coin and their holders. As a disclaimer, all of the coins I personally own are included in the list below, so not just trying to slam coins I don't support.</p> <p>You all are probably funnier than me, so add your smack talk in the comments.</p> <p>​</p> <table><thead> <tr> <th align="left">Crypto</th> <th align="left">Why it sucks</th> </tr> </thead><tbody> <tr> <td align="left">Bitcoin</td> <td align="left">The God you worship named Satoshi is so ashamed of his creation that he refuses to reveal his true identity</td> </tr> <tr> <td align="left">Ethereum</td> <td align="left">More like E<strong>fee</strong>reum, amirite?!</td> </tr> <tr> <td align="left">Tether</td> <td align="left">Trust us guys this coin totally isn’t a sham and is 100% backed by USD. Don’t worry we audited ourselves to confirm this completely true fact so obviously there’s no need to ask any further questions</td> </tr> <tr> <td align="left">Nano</td> <td align="left">That kid in school who thinks everyone hates him because he’s smarter than everyone else, but in reality he’s just really fucking annoying</td> </tr> <tr> <td align="left">Uniswap</td> <td align="left">People who think unicorns are cool are the same people who consistently talk about their patronus animal in casual conversations</td> </tr> <tr> <td align="left">Cardano</td> <td align="left">We’re a smart contract platform that doesn’t have smart contracts!</td> </tr> <tr> <td align="left">Polkadot</td> <td align="left">We chose a cute name like Polkadot so when this project inevitably fails it’ll still retain some value as a meme shitcoin</td> </tr> <tr> <td align="left">Ripple</td> <td align="left">plz be gentle daddy SEC</td> </tr> <tr> <td align="left">Theta Coin</td> <td align="left">Still trying to decide who’s crazier, people who believe in Theta coin or the scientologists who believe in literal Thetans</td> </tr> <tr> <td align="left">Litecoin</td> <td align="left">Lite on the use-cases, light on any feature development, lite on any logical reason for you to own this shitcoin</td> </tr> <tr> <td align="left">Stellar</td> <td align="left">We’re so cool that even our logo a rocket ship! It literally can’t go tits up!</td> </tr> <tr> <td align="left">Dogecoin</td> <td align="left">Owners are too stupid to realize Elon is mocking them and getting off on playing puppet master with their wallets</td> </tr> <tr> <td align="left">Algorand</td> <td align="left">Have you accepted Silvio Micali, MIT professor and winner of a Turing award, as your lord and savior?</td> </tr> <tr> <td align="left">Bitcoin SV</td> <td align="left">A great cryptocurrency, all-around solid</td> </tr> </tbody></table> <p>​</p> <p>Edit: Some additional ones I've been posting in the comments</p> <table><thead> <tr> <th align="left">Crypto</th> <th align="left">Why it sucks</th> </tr> </thead><tbody> <tr> <td align="left">BAT</td> <td align="left">Users so desperate for crypto they get excited to watch ads for pennies</td> </tr> <tr> <td align="left">XMR</td> <td align="left">Privacy doesn't matter since no one cares about you or what you do with your whopping 0.22 XMR</td> </tr> <tr> <td align="left">Moons</td> <td align="left">The crypto Redditors pray gains value so they can rationalize shitposting all day.</td> </tr> <tr> <td align="left">NEO</td> <td align="left">The project that wanted to kill Ethereum, but settled for killing the financial wellbeing of all its investors instead</td> </tr> <tr> <td align="left">VeChain</td> <td align="left">You either die a shitcoin, or shill long enough to see yourself become like VeChain</td> </tr> <tr> <td align="left">Hedera Hashgraph</td> <td align="left">Holders think it's the Facebook to Bitcoin's Myspace, when really it's just the Google+</td> </tr> <tr> <td align="left">Tron</td> <td align="left">Can't decide between a shitcoin joke, a egomaniac founder joke, or a shill joke</td> </tr> </tbody></table> <p>​</p> </div><!-- SC_ON --> submitted by <a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/ominous_anenome"> /u/ominous_anenome </a> <br/> <span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/CryptoCurrency/comments/mcgtr0/all_of_your_coins_suck/">[link]</a></span> <span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/CryptoCurrency/comments/mcgtr0/all_of_your_coins_suck/">[comments]</a></span>Kind Regards R
<!-- SC_OFF --><div class="md"><p>There’s far too much tribalism in crypto. People should have a sense of humor and be able to laugh at themselves and the coins they support. So I thought it’d be fun to start some more light-hearted shit talk about each coin and their holders. As a disclaimer, all of the coins I personally own are included in the list below, so not just trying to slam coins I don't support.</p> <p>You all are probably funnier than me, so add your smack talk in the comments.</p> <p>​</p> <table><thead> <tr> <th align="left">Crypto</th> <th align="left">Why it sucks</th> </tr> </thead><tbody> <tr> <td align="left">Bitcoin</td> <td align="left">The God you worship named Satoshi is so ashamed of his creation that he refuses to reveal his true identity</td> </tr> <tr> <td align="left">Ethereum</td> <td align="left">More like E<strong>fee</strong>reum, amirite?!</td> </tr> <tr> <td align="left">Tether</td> <td align="left">Trust us guys this coin totally isn’t a sham and is 100% backed by USD. Don’t worry we audited ourselves to confirm this completely true fact so obviously there’s no need to ask any further questions</td> </tr> <tr> <td align="left">Nano</td> <td align="left">That kid in school who thinks everyone hates him because he’s smarter than everyone else, but in reality he’s just really fucking annoying</td> </tr> <tr> <td align="left">Uniswap</td> <td align="left">People who think unicorns are cool are the same people who consistently talk about their patronus animal in casual conversations</td> </tr> <tr> <td align="left">Cardano</td> <td align="left">We’re a smart contract platform that doesn’t have smart contracts!</td> </tr> <tr> <td align="left">Polkadot</td> <td align="left">We chose a cute name like Polkadot so when this project inevitably fails it’ll still retain some value as a meme shitcoin</td> </tr> <tr> <td align="left">Ripple</td> <td align="left">plz be gentle daddy SEC</td> </tr> <tr> <td align="left">Theta Coin</td> <td align="left">Still trying to decide who’s crazier, people who believe in Theta coin or the scientologists who believe in literal Thetans</td> </tr> <tr> <td align="left">Litecoin</td> <td align="left">Lite on the use-cases, light on any feature development, lite on any logical reason for you to own this shitcoin</td> </tr> <tr> <td align="left">Stellar</td> <td align="left">We’re so cool that even our logo a rocket ship! It literally can’t go tits up!</td> </tr> <tr> <td align="left">Dogecoin</td> <td align="left">Owners are too stupid to realize Elon is mocking them and getting off on playing puppet master with their wallets</td> </tr> <tr> <td align="left">Algorand</td> <td align="left">Have you accepted Silvio Micali, MIT professor and winner of a Turing award, as your lord and savior?</td> </tr> <tr> <td align="left">Bitcoin SV</td> <td align="left">A great cryptocurrency, all-around solid</td> </tr> </tbody></table> <p>​</p> <p>Edit: Some additional ones I've been posting in the comments</p> <table><thead> <tr> <th align="left">Crypto</th> <th align="left">Why it sucks</th> </tr> </thead><tbody> <tr> <td align="left">BAT</td> <td align="left">Users so desperate for crypto they get excited to watch ads for pennies</td> </tr> <tr> <td align="left">XMR</td> <td align="left">Privacy doesn't matter since no one cares about you or what you do with your whopping 0.22 XMR</td> </tr> <tr> <td align="left">Moons</td> <td align="left">The crypto Redditors pray gains value so they can rationalize shitposting all day.</td> </tr> <tr> <td align="left">NEO</td> <td align="left">The project that wanted to kill Ethereum, but settled for killing the financial wellbeing of all its investors instead</td> </tr> <tr> <td align="left">VeChain</td> <td align="left">You either die a shitcoin, or shill long enough to see yourself become like VeChain</td> </tr> <tr> <td align="left">Hedera Hashgraph</td> <td align="left">Holders think it's the Facebook to Bitcoin's Myspace, when really it's just the Google+</td> </tr> <tr> <td align="left">Tron</td> <td align="left">Can't decide between a shitcoin joke, a egomaniac founder joke, or a shill joke</td> </tr> </tbody></table> <p>​</p> </div><!-- SC_ON --> submitted by <a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/ominous_anenome"> /u/ominous_anenome </a> <br/> <span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/CryptoCurrency/comments/mcgtr0/all_of_your_coins_suck/">[link]</a></span> <span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/CryptoCurrency/comments/mcgtr0/all_of_your_coins_suck/">[comments]</a></span>Kind Regards R